We have a new resident in our house. He is completely selfish, enjoys long sleeps, and has a vested interest in puking on things. His greatest ambition seems to be procuring copious amounts of milk from his mother which he requests by thrashing wildly and emitting mongrel-like sounds that would put any normal person in mind of a woodchipper and at least give you pause to think twice about putting his mouth anywhere near a body part onto which he could latch.
Not-So-Great Qualities:
- Loves to excrete urine and feces on things.
- Doesn't "use his words".
- Cannot watch West Wing with me yet because his eyesight sucks.
- Refuses to apply problem-solving skills to find his pacifier that is literally a millimeter from his mouth (the same mouth out of which he just unceremoniously spit said pacifier)
- Cannot ambulate.
Better Qualities:
- Frequently goes "cross-eyed" when looking around.
- Soft fluffy hair.
- Lightweight.
- Attempts to eat his hands.
- Occasionally smiles.
