Repetitive Stress Injuries

The Story genetic structure is fraught with chromosomes that wrote a certain weakness of joints into my DNA. Ankles that doth protest mightily at the smallest sign of acceleration beyond anything approaching a brisk walk. Knees that enjoy randomly shooting pain into the surrounding areas because they're just generally assholes. Elbows that suffer morning aches from what I can only assume is prolonged and immobile sleep positions. I basically hit the elderly stage of joint fitness at the ripe old age of 20. Munch has compounded this problem with his incessant need to be carried. Of late, this has manifested in a series of new and varied aches and pains that I would like to chalk up to old age but which I know better.

One day in particular he was feeling especially insecure about anything not involving my arms fully and securely holding him in place against my chest. Things began happening. First, my elbow joint nerves started sending gentle but persistent messages to my brain that I am attempting a strenuous activity (read: any activity at all). Second, a very specific spot in the middle of my back began getting a tad peeved with me. About 15 minutes into holding and walking and gently bouncing, the nerves stepped up the intensity of their messages to the brain center and both elbow and back began exploring a symphony of pain that slowly crescendoed into other joints and tissues. This is about the time my shoulder wanted to be noticed by simulating the feeling of being on fire. Eventually this all crystallized in some sort of pain overload that left my right arm screaming in agony. My right arm is the only useful appendage I have. It is the only appendage with any kind of positive outlook on life. Without my right arm, my left arm and both legs would have given up on living years ago. So, of course, I'm totally fucked.

Now that my right arm was out of commission I had to turn to old lefty. My left arm has basically served as a prop on my torso primarily for aesthetic appeal. If my left arm were to fall off it would only affect me so long as it took my body to come to terms with its new center of gravity. It is less than useless. It cannot throw a ball. It cannot write in any legible fashion. It cannot handle utensils in a manner that would give anyone the impression that I've ever consumed food or liquids before. It cannot be relied upon to offer an adequate handshake. Things my left arm can do: Point in a general direction.

Some diligent and in-depth internet sleuthing has turned up some of the most common causes of RSI:

• The overuse of muscles in our hands, wrists, arms, shoulders, neck, and back are linked to RSI symptoms.
• The area is affected by repeated actions, which are usually preformed on a daily basis over long periods of time.
• The repetitive actions are done in a cold place.
• The individual has to use vibrating equipment.
• Forceful movements are involved.
• Workstations are poorly organized.
• Equipment is badly designed.
• The individual commonly adopts an awkward posture.
• There are not enough rest breaks.

"Work shouldn't hurt," how quaint.

Hahahahhaaahhahahahaha. I'm especially fond of "there are not enough rest breaks." This is not a list of common causes of RSI, this is a list of what you do when taking care of a young baby. The only other thing I can think about after reading this is how people with actual diagnosed RSI conditions actually manage to function in daily life. Additionally, all of the info out there on baby-caused injuries is geared towards mothers who have just given birth. Because only women take care of babies. Regardless, the suggestions are laughably complex or completely ridiculous because the reality is hold him how he wants (which tends to be to one side over the shoulder) or live with a squirming screaming sack of dead weight. No one seems to have any creative advice about what to do once said injuries have set in. Thusly, I'm subsisting on a steady diet of acetaminophen and ibuprofen.